Friday, February 21, 2014

Time to go home?

It's so strange, all my life I have wanted to travel abroad and come to the UK and now I am here anddddd....I am just disappointed with my experience here.

Maybe I came to the wrong school or the wrong country but since I have returned from being home, I have not been happy. Are my expectations too high? I think I thought I was going to get here, LOVE my classes, LOVE my school, meet fun new people and experience all the cool things Scotland has to offer. And the exact opposite has happened. My friends are coming here in a month, and I have nothing to really show them because I haven't experienced them myself. How lame.

Am I not putting in enough effort? Am I going out and meeting people whose interest are aligned with mine? Clearly not! Am I a city girl living in a not so city place? Or do I just miss my family and friends? Or do I just feel alone? Probably a combination of all of it.

I can't even put my feelings into words because I don't even understand it. I feel like I have made some changes in terms of taking action to do new things, meet new people, be a better me but I am still not feeling it.

I have never been away from home so maybe that confounded with everything else is just too much. But at this point, I want to make plans to return home for the semester. Do I feel like I am giving up, yes, but do I care?

But my friend said to me today, you learn so much about yourself when you go abroad. Maybe this is what I am learning about myself. Do I need a strong, consistent support network around me to thrive? I think so, because living without it completely is not working.

Anyone else feel like this when they went abroad?


Gentry's Thick Hair Diary said...

I joined the military right out of high school and I got the chance to live in Spain. I felt alienated out in town because I didn't speak the language and i was just foreign to the towns people. I don't think they saw a lot of African american females, so they would stare. So i understand your loneliness.

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